YouMeta - 北美社区 | 笑话幽默

------ 點名的學問

以前當兵有個弟兄的名字的最後一個字是「虤」，每次有新來的長官主持點名時，最通常的情形，唸到這個字時就停下來，因為不會唸。

這位弟兄就自己說出「虤」、然後再帶一聲「有」。有的長官乾脆念「虎」，這位弟兄也會答「有」，比較好笑一點的，有些長官乾脆唸「虎」「虎」，
他也回答「有！」

有一次真的很暴笑，有個長官點名快點到時，大概也發現這個名字他不會唸，可是這位長官大概機智過人，不慌不忙的連姓名都沒唸，直接就唸「兩隻老虎」！

這位弟兄先是一愣，也趕快答了「有！」

我們大家則是楞了一會兒，然後哄堂大笑！
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(你知道怎麼念嗎？.......\「ㄧㄢ/」）

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-------第97頁論文的故事

論文口試時，有位研究生帶著一瓶XO酒。

每位教授都很好奇，這位研究生帶著一瓶酒來口試，有什麼用意？是不是來賄賂教授的？還是另有他意？是什麼暗示嗎？

教授們還是正常地口試，心想最後研究生終會說出為什麼要帶一瓶酒來口試的原因吧！

可是當口試結束，研究生一直沒提到XO酒的事，並且在口試結時，拿著酒，轉身便要離去，似乎不想做任何補充聲明。

就在研究生即將開門出去的一剎，有位教授終於忍不住好奇心，叫住了研究生，詢問他為什麼要帶一瓶XO酒來參加論文口試呢？

研究生停住腳步，神祕地笑說：「請各位教授翻開我的論文第97頁。」說完便帶著酒，頭也不回地走了。

諸位教授紛紛翻開該名研究生論文第97頁，在某章節結束處，有行字寫著：「誰看到這行字，得XO酒一瓶。」

表示在口試時,教授都沒有事先看過你的論文,不會鳥你...

~~~~~~~這就是研究所~~~~~~~~

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------白馬王子

甲女：「你心目中『白馬王子』的條件為何？」

乙女：「最好是『白』手起家，要不然就是『馬』上成功，

『王』親國戚也可以，要是『子』承父業就更了。」

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------ 媒體陷阱

公眾人物最怕講話時墜入言語陷阱，所以發言時特別謹慎。

某日某主教出發前往紐約訪問，主教聽說到紐約後，很有可能被報界拖入預設的陷阱，所以格外小心..

在機場，有記者一見主教就問：「您想上夜總會嗎？」

主教想支開這個問題，就幽默的反問：「紐約有夜總會嗎？」

第二天早上，報紙就頭條報導：「主教下飛機第一個問題就是：紐約有夜總會嗎？」

轉貼～網路

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by tiffany

life is like -

01/01/2008 4:14 pm

Life is like "mayonnaise jar...and the beer"

Enjoy Laughing

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar...and the beer.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full.

They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full.

They agreed that it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.

Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.

The students responded with an unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand.

The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things--your family, your children, your health, your friends,your favorite passions-- things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

"The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car.

The sand is everything else--the small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.

The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.

Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house, and fix the disposal. "Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised their hand and inquired what the beer represented.

The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers.

by Fortitude